|update as requested by mr. henderson
||[Dec. 16th, 2004|10:10 am]
my last journal update was on 3/20/04....it is now 12/16/04....15 days from 2005. damn. that literally just left me with this sunken feeling in my stomach; verbalizing the actual passing of time means reality has truly caught up with me and that time is not just something we look at on our watches (or cell phones cause i loathe watches)or talk about when we are running late.....yes...time is moving on with me in its clutches and i seem to have forgotten how much of it has actually passed.|
so let's see. march 2004 i was sitting in my cubicle at ValueOptions, working on the phones and visiting mentally ill patients in hospitals and jail cells. the love of my early adult life had just broken up with me and through my own naivete, i accepted the fact and just chalked it up to growing up and apart. little did i know that he would call me less than a month later and inform me of his shotgun vegas wedding to a girl he had just begun to date (which of course prompted the pregnancy questions to which he vehemently denied all). so there i was, stuck in this shithole apartment in tempe, working a miserable full-time job, lost my boyfriend (though he moved into an apt down the road), had no friends left due to said breakup...oh man, that sounds so bleak. it really wasn't so bleak, i know it. it was probably the first good kick in the ass i have had in years and it truly motivated me to do things i would not normally do. i was actually making new friends, going out all the time alone....it was a fairly healthy period.
april 2004: ran into my old best friend Kyle at casey moores...i had been trying to find him in chicago, asking anyone and everyone for his number because i had been considering a move prior to my breakup. of course, i really just wanted to talk to him about the city and see how he felt and then rationally plan a possible course of action to end up there someday. yes, someday. anyway....the strange part was the absolute coincidence of it all. i hate casey moore's, i hate the ppl that go there, it's expensive...it's just not my place. by chance, an old friend was in town and wanted to meet up there so i accepted the invite telling myself i would only be there an hour. so on the one night i go to this bar i had not been to in months, kyle appears, happening to be there on his last night on his 2 day stint in phx. oh yes, the stars were aligning. we got trashed and talked about it all and he suggested i move in with him in 2 months when he and his roommate got a new apt. i could not help but say yes, and from that second, i was attached to this fantastical notion of chicago....a city i had never been to, a city of wind and snow and peacoats, a city of skyscrapers and the el....oh yes, i was sucked in. and it helped that kyle is the one man in my life who i will always adore and want to be involved with. so i informed everyone that i would be moving in june to chicago, which produced a mighty roar of disbelief and chuckles that seemed to say "yeah, right....2 months".
i packed up just my clothes, gave away nearly everything i owned, and hopped on a plane to chicago in june. i spent the first 3 months broke and jobless, looking frantically for a job in the mental health field and for some reason, coming up short every time. i eventually got a lame job slinging coffee and bagels at nordstroms....oh yes, how lame my dreams were of returning to such a lifestyle...having ppl bitch about their coffee, saying they want skinny no foam + splenda..blah blah...and being broke..oh god, how i forgot. then my dream job finally panned out after 3 interviews and 3 months and i got a job as a researcher at the university of chicago doing an alcohol study.
chicago is fucking fantastic and i feel more alive than i have in a long time. it's amazing how stifling/fulfilling, satisfying/numbing a long relationship can be....
more later i suppose...does this satisfy mr. henderson? you want more?? i can wax philosophical for you too...