Log in

my boyfriend of 2 yrs just broke up with me....and why am i ok? he… - shock on... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

[Mar. 20th, 2004|03:24 pm]
my boyfriend of 2 yrs just broke up with me....and why am i ok? he broke up with me so he could be alone for awhile to destroy himself slowly in any way he sees fit....and to live and breathe for the music that he hopes will make him famous someday. sigh, its so cliche. good girl dates musician who seeks to destroy himself. good girl thinks he can be saved and only in the end realizes that perhaps it may not be worth the effort of attempting to save. i work 8 hrs a day with the mentally ill, trying to help in any way possible...and then i come home and keep up the good fight, trying to help, but only ending up feeling as if nothing will ever be changed....because it wont. sigh.

he still lives with me. we have hung out a few times since then, and it still feels relatively normal, it is just that i am consciously not touching him or calling him baby.
i still love him, and he loves me...and i am not even close to hating him for breaking up with me....i am being way too rational, which hopefully means my emotional side wont come rearing its ugly head and leave me broken.

the worst part of breaking up is again focusing on yourself and your own needs that somehow fell to the wayside....what did i do before him? oh yeah, i had my own friends....what were my goals before him? oh yeah, i wanted to apply to grad school and get the fuck out of phx...now i have to find ways to ensure that the things i have always wanted are actually real goals that i will try to accomplish, not just goals that can be "figured out later when my boyfriend decides what he wants". well, now he knows so i guess i gotta go forward with the original plans. weird shit.